Change

You tell me that I'll never change,
That I'll never be anybody other than
The monster that I once was.
Well, here I am.
A year on,
And I'm going from strength to strength.
I still have demons that I have to face,
But I am making progress.

I will never forget that you tried to help me.
Without you, I wouldn't be here today.
However, your methods were flawed,
And you know it.
Do you know how it feels to spend every day
Being told that you're not good enough,
That you'll never amount to anything?

I went cold turkey for you.
In just one night
I buried my addictions,
Turned away from my friends,
My life.
And still, that wasn't enough for you.
Well, I'm sorry,
But I'll never be perfect.

When I got away from you,
I was a mess,
A broken, empty shell.
Did you know,
That when I'm alone,
I still hear you sometimes?
Deep, in the back of my mind,
I still hear you belittling me,
Shouting me down.

It has been over a year,
And I've had the space to grow,
The time to think.
I hate the thought of the way I used to be,
Just thinking of what I've done makes me sick.
I have done terrible things,
And I admit it.
But, I won't get stuck in the past,
Because I actually want to live my life.